Intention vs. Impact

Most managers  intend to give productive feedback and help people grow. They are not out on a mission to crush dreams, squash confidence, and drive wedges in between team members (with a few exceptions).

However, good intentions does not always mean good outcomes.  

Here are some examples of approaches that may seem positive, but that actually have unintended, problematic consequences:

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The "Feedback Sandwich":

I know, your intentions are pure. You want to soften the blow and avoid one sided feedback, bless you. However, this approach is too overused and thus tends to come across as inauthentic, formulaic, or confusing. Break free, mix it up.

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The Ancient History Field Trip:

There is a limited window on giving feedback. The closer to the observed event the better (ideally no more than a week or two). Bringing up events from months or years previous is too delayed to be helpful most the time. It is more likely to lead to resentment from employees feeling that mistakes they can no longer change and issues that are no longer relevant to their right now experience are center focus. Stay forward focused.

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The "Never/Always" Trap:

As in romantic relationships, using these words in a feedback session (ie. "You never show up on time!") in regards to frequency of behavior are signs of your desperation as the feedback giver. They are not so helpful (or usually accurate) for the feedback receiver. Generally, using this polarizing language only creates more defensiveness. So, pause. Rephrase. Try Again.

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The "Here's your problem. Go fix it" Mentality:

While your intention may be to foster independent problem solving (I like where you are going!), the reality is that providing zero scaffolding for support is setting your employee up to fail. Refusing to take responsibility to be part of the solution, especially as a manager/leader, will not get you far. You do not need to fix the issue on their behalf, but you do need to be willing to be a sounding board, to brainstorm together, and to support the solution as a team where appropriate.

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The "Well, When I..." Narrator:

Be cautious about giving unsolicited advice or insinuate how someone "should" go about it. No matter how relatable you think you experience is, it’s not their experience. Unless you are specifically asked “what would/did you do?” don’t say it. Instead, you might encourage collaborative brainstorming, or ask how you can help by saying, “This is a challenging situation for sure, and I want to help. What would be most useful to you right now – a listening, supportive ear or suggesting solutions?”

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The "Nothing to Improve Here" Avoider:

Everyone loves positive feedback, but no one is perfect. If you are working with someone highly competent who is doing great work, make sure they know that. However, coaching does not stop when someone becomes competent; it shifts to specializing skills and maximizing existing strengths. Being unable to continue to provide constructive feedback comes across as lazy or inauthentic. So, stay committed to recognizing great work AND supporting continued improvement.

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Now that you know what not to do, what could you do instead? Check out 7 Tips for Giving Effective Feedback to Employees and Avoiding a MESSage: Using Feedback Language That Lands to keep growing and learning!